Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Welp...herpes.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
