Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
