sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
