I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
