i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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