I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
