We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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