I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
