I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
