its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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