That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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