Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
