dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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