oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
