I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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