I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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