Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
