But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
