I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
