She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
