i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
