Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize