Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You have to summon your inner elephant
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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