I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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