Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
