I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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