Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I would ride that face into the sunset
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