Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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