He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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