The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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