A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
it's like heaven, but drunker
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize