What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
