When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
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