I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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