I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Life is so much better after having sex.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Randomize
