ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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