Don't make out with my wife yet
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
