Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
