Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
