It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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