I can tuck mytits in my pants
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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