i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
