Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
