man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
