look no pants
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
