OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
