do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
