I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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