I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
