My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
