this beer tastes like vomit already
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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