Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
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Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
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ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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