on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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