Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
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Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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