walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
