If that was your dad, he is hot
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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