do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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