Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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