god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
