If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Randomize
