just come out here and I will go home with you...
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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