If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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