I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
