dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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