Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
