He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
