These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
