we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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