I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
