Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
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The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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